To say that I’ve been absent for a while would be an understatement, to say the least. The last time I posted was in March last year, BEFORE I’d even sent Trapped in Silver to Ben, would you believe? Before I’d gotten a proper job in the games industry, too. It’s a really weird feeling to look back at the girl who posted last year, to examine who I am today, and to feel both proud and disappointed in myself. I know that sounds weird, but stay with me.
It’s December at the end of this week; one year and nine months since I last took to the keys and actually wrote in this digi-diary. Since then I’ve been more keen to blurt out humorous bits on Twitter and keep in contact that way, but I know you guys have copped on that something’s not been quite right. This time last year, Trapped in Silver was going through some of its final edits. Pre-orders were about to go live. I’d commissioned the fabulous Tara Spruit for a few awesome pieces of art to send out to you guys. Everything was right and exciting and falling into place. 2016 was pretty awesome, and I loved every second of it.
2017 started off fine. I had my book published in February, dyed my hair for it, had pictures of TiS snapped in Barnes & Nobles and Waterstones, and I’d settled into my full-time gig as a News Editor. Book two, Lost in Darkness, was underway as April came about and… that’s the last of the positive stuff for now.
In May there was an unfortunate event which is still affecting my family and I today. I know there’s some awful part of us all that wants to know the dirty details about these sorts of things, but it’s not my place to share despite how it affected me and my work heavily.
Truthfully, I hadn’t realised just how much it had until I read some of my blog posts from last year. Not only has my writing grown a little, my tone is far less fluffy which I’m pretty sad to see. Though my family have been working through it and have still somehow come out fighting, this year has been a shitty, awful year that I’m not sad to see the back of. I know rolling into 2018 won’t erase the events, but it’s a start.
Anyway, following May this year things changed in my personal life which, in turn, took its toll on my work. I didn’t want to write last summer and found it difficult to force my way through it when the original deadline for LiD‘s draft date was looming closer. Of course, Ben has been nothing but supportive through this whole period which I’m endlessly grateful for, but I felt like I was letting him and OfTomes down.
Money has been tight so I’ve had to work more, giving me less and less time to write, plus I’ve just moved in with my long-term boyfriend. Another big step and adjustment this year.
Though it’s nothing compared to what a lot of my family is feeling, emotionally I’m drained and exhausted. My head is so full of all of the things I have to do and worry about it’s like it’s full of sawdust and it was getting harder to ignore that sinking negativity weighing itself down in my stomach. I never understood that sadness could be as prominent as a living, breathing person, and it had latched on, making it much harder to keep my head above water.
I know, that’s pretty low chatter there and very unlike me, but that’s been the past seven months for me and I wanted to convey that – to apologise for my absence and the sudden silence surrounding my work. Things won’t change overnight and there will still be days where things aren’t so productive, but I’m starting to feel more like myself than I have done for a while.
Again, I’m sorry for the silence and for the delay. Hopefully the next installment of The Eldryn Chronicles will be worth it.
*Also, I’m pretty pissed that I had to delete a few of my previous posts because some commercial bellend decided to spam it with trash links and virus shit in my absence.*